If I Could, I Would
by RikkiChadwick2011
Summary: Sequel to "I Let Go"! Charlotte is free... for now... but when she is forced back into Cal's clutches... she finds a softer side of Cal and a dark secret that threatens him... and maybe even her... Rated T! DISCONTINUED ACCOUNT
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's the sequel—AS PROMISED! :D Lol **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Titanic**

The sun was warm and welcoming. The question was… Did _I_ welcome it? I wasn't used to this anymore. I didn't walk the shorelines… I didn't sit in the sun because I wanted to… Those memories were nothing but dust in a sand storm. Meaningless. I had to put the shields up. I had to protect myself. I didn't have Cal to reprimand me and that I was quite thankful for.

I was near—well, I didn't know where I was… All I knew is it was far away from Cal as I'd ever be! I still had flashbacks from the nights he abused me… But I didn't fear them. To be perfectly honest; I _welcomed_ them. I could withstand great amounts of pain after all I'd suffered. I still had no idea which was way up and which way was down… But I was coping. I was alive.

Sometimes I was so scared of Cal… It felt like he wanted to kill me. I could stand it though and the pain and as unhealthy as it was for a woman my size and age, I still had air in my lungs and light in my eyes.

I got up from the ground looking around. I forgot exactly how I had gotten here. Had I passed out possibly? Could it be I was so tired that I had fainted? I was in a field. A pretty damn good-looking field at that! I brushed off the skirt of my ruined dress. Once again, my hair, shoes and dress had seen much, _much_ better days. I wasn't sure of what to do at this point.

That was never good! I thought long and hard as I walked around the field. I had found my way back to a small town… I didn't know the town at all and all I could hope for was no one who recognized me would be here. I crossed my fingers and prayed…

I had a long journey ahead of me and all I knew is there weren't going to be people handing me food on silver platters and I was comforted by the fact. I hated living as a First Class and it was obvious to everyone who was me… I was _me_, therefore only I knew what I wanted and what I didn't. Others just didn't seem to care. I looked like a poor old beggar to others, and I was actually happy that some who were now above me in Social Class spit in my direction. It meant I was no longer what anyone else wanted me to be.

I was free and I was my own person! I could sing as loud as I wanted and everyone would look up! I was able to focus on what I wanted… To clearly perceive what others had overlooked about me. It was a very new feeling. It gave me butterflies… but they were the good kind. The kind that made you giggle and squeal at random. The kind of feeling you get when you know someone wants to be with you.

It was different and all its own! Just like me.

I could see myself now. The mirror had somehow resealed itself new! The shards were slowing fixing themselves into place and everything I thought would happen—to ruin my life—was suddenly drowned out by the ocean of possibilities! It was a huge ocean! Clear and wide. It would swallow me up and I would be pretty damn happy with that!

**A/N: Sorry it's short! But I like to think of it as an epilogue… You know? Anyway I will probably update tomorrow… If not the day after! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I've kept you waiting long enough!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Titanic**

Every city I walked through, I was fascinated by the hard work. It definitely wasn't like First Class. These people gave us what we had in First Class. We didn't have to work. That's what steerage for I had been taught… But I never believed it!

"_Where were you?" Cal said coldly. "Out. I was out, Cal," I answered. Thankfully it was braver than I felt. Much braver. "Out. I've had enough of you going out on your own, Charlotte!" he yelled standing up. He crossed the room quickly and before I knew it, he had his left hand tight around my jaw. I didn't gasp in shock or anything. I showed no emotion. Cal was surprised by this. "I'm used to it Cal. You should be too. I'm not going to break down anymore," I said defiantly. He said nothing, but his grip on my jaw got much tighter, but I never faltered. _

_The pain was like a paper cut. Nothing to cry over. "You won't see me cry anymore Cal. And when I win this, you're going to wish you'd never even tried," I said, pulling his hand off my jaw. I knew I was going to have bruises where his fingers gripped my jaw tightly, but at least I would be fine. He didn't say anything. _

_I tried walking past him, but he grabbed my arm, and pulled me back harshly. He held me against the wall, but I only smirked. "Fight all you want, Cal. You aren't getting a reaction out of me," I snapped, still smirking at the anger that crossed his face. My French accent didn't defy my anger this time. Cal looked stunned and I was proud at this. If he was going to act so surprised all the time, I might as well use it to my advantage!_

"_I have the scars to prove to people that you're the abusive bastard you portrayed yourself to be," I said. Cal's surprise only increased. "You think you're so strong, Cal but really, the abuse is just your poor excuse for attention isn't it? Let me put it to you this way; You ruin me, and I'll ruin you," I said. I was having too much fun, and although I tried to hide it, my smirk didn't. _

"_What are you smirking at you filth?" Cal spat, shaking me. "I'm smirking at you, Cal. You can't beat and you never will," I said. I gathered my spit and blew. He gasped in shock and let go of me to rub his eye. I stifled my giggle and ran outside. "Get back here you bitch!" Cal yelled, chasing me outside. The rain had stopped long ago. "Catch me if you can!" I yelled strongly. I heard him grunt in anger, but he kept running toward me. _

_I made it off the property. I was free!_

That's what was plaguing my mind.. And I was afraid Cal would someday find me. When he did… I would never live it down. I could still feel the joy and the weightlessness of being free! Sure, it was running away, but I was running away knowing I beat Cal at his own game.

It was the same thing city after city. Steerage at hard work. They should earn more than they did for all this work. I remember my father's words from my childhood.

"_There steerage—_scum_—Charlotte! We don't give charity money and we don't help! You need to know that! They deserve to be where they are_," my father would say. At the age, I believed it but after I got older I saw how criminal it was!

And I felt sympathy for them… But it was recognized they didn't want sympathy… Just respect. And I tried my best to give them that. But only I. My father would scold me for it… My mother would disrespect me for it… Cal spit on the "preposterous" thought. But I didn't.

I would say "Hello" whenever I was by myself… And if I wasn't I would mouth it… But now that I was free I could give them my full attention and respect. And I planned to do so… I had lived in the shadows long enough and now the sun was coming out for me. This was my chance.

My one—and _only_—chance.

**A/N: Sorry it's a bit short… but I'm working on Forever Yours… It should be up tomorrow? Yeah so I'm cutting this one a bit short but I thought I'd update it since it's been a while! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Whoa! It's been way too long since I last updated this! :D But now that "A Blessing in Disguise" is done, I can work more on the ones that need my attention more! :D By the way! Happy Halloween! Did you guys get a lot of candy? My sister and I sure did! :D**

It had taken me a week before I reached Atlanta. This was the one place I'd always wanted to go. But I wasn't going to stay here. I planned to catch a ride on a tramp steamer or maybe even a small passenger boat. Something like that. I planned to go back to Paris.

I spent many years there as a child. We didn't do much when I lived there. We weren't supposed to. At the time, Mom and I were kept at home. My mother never told me I was a kidnapped child. I was kidnapped by my own family and now that we lived here in America, I could walk around freely. Not one of my parents had to worry about me being found.

Back in Paris, I was known as the first missing child in… years. My parents just wanted more money and the attention on them. But once they had started hearing they were to be questioned… They fled Paris with little six-year-old me.

They kept me hidden the entire ship ride over here, and everyone from Paris on that ship always told my parents how suspicious it looked that they left Paris the day before they were to be questioned.

I was going to go back to Paris to turn my life around. I wanted people to know the truth!

**A/N: Yeah way short but I have a good idea for the next chapter, but I just don't have enough time to type it up right now… D: Bad excuse but Junior High School is slamming me with homework! Anyway, I'll try to update tonight!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I was playing Sims 2 Deluxe Edition (LOVE that game!) and this idea came out of nowhere and just HIT me! So I thought you guys might like it! This chapter will be kind of short, but the next one (updating today!) will be up soon! So sorry for the wait again!**

I was waiting to get on the tramp steamer. Unfortunately it wouldn't be arriving for a couple days. I didn't want to wander off in case the tramp steamer came back early. They didn't have direct routes so it wouldn't surprise me if I went away for a bit and it came back while I was gone.

"Miss?" someone asked me. I turned around. "Oui?" I asked. "Forgive me, but do you know a Charlotte Hockley?" the man asked. "Who wants to ask?" I asked, my French accent coming off a bit harsh. He looked at me. "Lovejoy is the name," he said. I remember that name in the papers under the unidentified list. "Well, Mr. Lovejoy… I don't know of any—" "That's her!" someone shouted. I looked behind Lovejoy and saw the last person I ever wanted to see.

Cal.

I was far from the Moreau Estate so how the hell had he found me? And this quickly! It'd only been… what? A few months?

If Cal took me back, no one would ever know Charlotte Moreau was still alive… To Paris, I was still the biggest mystery in years.

"Charlotte?" Cal asked as he approached me. I knew he was going to bring me "home" and I knew he was currently acting. I knew what I was in for. I wasn't an idiot.

I was free.

Keyword: _was_ free.

I looked into his eyes and behind the false happiness, I could see the look of pure disgust. Before I knew it, Cal said, "I want to apologize."

There was a crowd and he was about to make a show of this. He was a very wealthy man with a very known name.

"I don't want our marriage to end…" he said before kissing me full on the mouth. The look of shock on my face was quickly covered from everyone. He placed his hand on the back of my head and to everyone else it looked as though he were trying to deepen the kiss and just hold onto it there. I knew though it was so I didn't pull away and make a complete fool of the bastard.

"Please, come home," he said, faking need. I knew he was horrible at what he was showing off but the public around us was buying it. Before I could answer—and he knew it was going to be a rejection he said, "Oh thank you, Charlotte!" and kissed me again so I couldn't answer.

"Come, please," Lovejoy said, pulling Cal and me along.

I was practically shoved into the Stage Coach when out of the eye of the public. "How dare you think you can just run off willy-nilly on your own?" Cal shouted. Lovejoy slammed the door on my side—I gasped—and climbed in to the front where he began driving.

I edge far away from Cal as the Stage Coach would allow—which wasn't very far. He pulled me closer to him, so that I was on his lap. I knew it was because if he did so I wouldn't be getting very far no matter what.

I refused to look at him.

"You will look at me while I am speaking to you—" "Or what?" I snapped, finally turning to face him. He looked furious and suddenly the familiar sting rose on my skin and I knew, as soon as his hand made contact with my face, that there was a bright red hand mark forming.

"Now will you listen?" he snapped. "Why don't you beat me some more? I don't think I quite heard what you said," I retorted sarcastically. He pushed me down so that I was laying down on the seat. I knew what he was about to do, and I didn't like it because Lovejoy was _right_ up front.

"Looks like this lesson needs a bit more… what's the word, Charlotte? A bit more demonstration to it shall we say?" he said. "Lovejoy… take the long way," he instructed.

I closed my eyes and willed for this to be over soon.

It wasn't.

…

I was sobbing as I slipped my dress back into place. I didn't feel any less exposed being fully dressed. Cal sat like nothing had happened. Nonchalant bastard. I was sobbing soundly and Cal just sat there, staring out the window, smirking.

He'd won again.

I had seriously thought I was free… but I was sorely mistaken.

I could feel his hands still greedily feeling every in of my body. I could feel _him_ and it made me sick to my stomach.

"We're here," Lovejoy said from the front.

I looked at the house I'd grew up in… I didn't want to go back…

But what choice did I have?

Just when I built myself up… Cal tore me down again…

If anything… I was far from free…

And Cal knew it.

I knew it…

**A/N: Okay, so I know I said It'd be short but it came out longer than I had intended but I will still post later on! :D Expect another chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Update number two on 11/5/11! I'm on a roll for a week of NOT posting! Again I am so sorry about that!**

Cal pulled me forcefully out of the Stage Coach and I found myself face to face with my furious parents. "Where the hell were you?" my father snapped in my face. "Far from here," I said, miserably wiping my wet eyes dry.

It didn't work.

I continued to cry. I couldn't get the feeling of Cal's _greedy _hands on my body to go away. I felt absolutely icky! "I'm going to bring her back to the house if that's fine with you," Cal said. My eyes grew wide in fright. NO! I didn't want to be alone in 'our' house with Cal! Not with Cal!

_Not_ with Cal!

"Very well," my father said in an incredibly sojourning voice. "Come Charlotte," Cal demanded. To my father it sounded like a prodding of comfort.

I followed Cal… but out of fear, not loyalty. I only followed him because I'd become incredibly afraid of him…

I shuddered realizing his touch still lingered disgustingly on my skin. I wouldn't be able to scrub enough to get the feeling off. I settled for protecting myself by crossing my arms over my chest.

I walked into the house my parents had given us. It was the same as when I'd run away… broken pieces of china still lay on the floor…

The only difference was the lingering and sickly sweet smell of alcohol.

"W-why do I smell beer?" I asked, still covering my chest protectively. "Why does it concern you?" Cal snapped. _Touch__é_, I mentally said, flatly. I stuck my nose to the air, and turned away from him…

…

By this time, I was sitting in "our" room, sitting on "our" bed, reading. Night had fallen much too quickly, and the house was ominously quiet.

Cal was in the parlor, getting piss-drunk.

Cal had, earlier, placed me under bedroom arrest. I couldn't leave the house—let alone the _room_—without Cal coming with me or at least aware of my whereabouts. If it was another room, he stood by making sure no sound of "escape" came from the room. If it was out of the house… he was to come with me.

Bastard.

Somehow with how already piss-drunk he was, I could run.

But it didn't work.

He slapped me hard across the face—I realized it was more painful when his vision was like foggy, stormy water-like—and ordered I return to the bedroom where he would join me later.

That was what I feared… After this afternoon in the Stage Coach when he… I couldn't think it… I feared he would… I couldn't think that either.

I heard him stumble and scuff his way into the room. He looked horrible.

One would go as far as to say _atrocious_ even!

I kept low under the covers before he'd come into the room. I didn't want him to know I was awake. I stayed under the covers not moving an inch, one eye slightly open.

His hair was all over the place… His shirt was wrinkled and his tie was undone, halfway over his left shoulder. He had dark bags under his eyes and he looked even more threatening than before.

I bunched the blanket, silently, closer to my body seeking comfort. I pretended to sleep, and I was glad he was drunk enough to buy it.

He climbed into the bed and I felt the familiar dip in the center of the bed, telling me he was moving closer. I tensed up, but I tried to relax. Who slept like a freaking stone? Not anyone I knew…

He didn't notice my sudden tense. He flicked off the bedside lamp and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly fearing the darkness consuming me—and his close proximity to my still fearful body.

He shifted so he was facing my back. He pulled me gently toward him and it took all my courage not to shriek. My breathing was uneven suddenly and my heart was about to leap out of my chest and kill me right there.

He just held me though…

He drew light patterns on my exposed arm and I was shocked, if not surprised. He was being… well… he was being…

Gentle.

He kissed my temple,, still drawing light, slow patterns on my arm. They weren't really shapes… they were just little circles and lines.

Suddenly I felt guilty. If he could be this nice… Why didn't he show it? Even if it was just to me? I felt guilty because I was so focused on what I felt was fair to _me_ and I pushed his buttons when it was clear I hadn't even heard half of the freaking story.

Before I knew it… I was getting sleepy. He continued to draw light patterns on my skin and the last thing I felt before letting sleep consume me was his hand sliding down my arm to draw the patterns on my exposed thigh.

…

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of severe lurching. I knew Cal was finally throwing up the amount of alcohol he had inhaled the night before.

There was a light groan as Cal walked out of the small bathroom. I looked at him, realizing he had no idea I was awake. I could feel the light patterns still on my skin… they had drowned out the pain he had caused me before last night.

I smiled.

"What are you smiling at?" he snapped. I forced back the retort that sat on my tongue, egging me on. "Sorry… just thinking, Cal," I said. I was glad he had bought my lie…

He scowled and opened his dresser drawer. He dressed quickly, as though he were being removed from his home in ten seconds and stormed out of the room.

I didn't get out of the bed until I heard the front door slam. I slipped out from under the covers and dressed quickly. I was going to get out of here… maybe not for good… I mean, Cal was actually _human_ toward me…

I would give him a chance…

That was the least I could do after all this.

I slipped on a floor-length, red velvet dress and walked into the parlor.

I would give him a chance…

_One…_

**A/N: So? What'd you think? :D See, Cal has a soft side!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: To Big Fan: Yayy! You got back! :D I was happy to see I got an email1 You got school of today too? Everywhere but my school! We have Friday off… Way too far away!**

I walked around the quiet, empty house just remembering all the times here… They were awful from what I recalled… I don't think there was one happy memory… until last night…

There was a knock at the door… who would be knocking on our door? No one ever did…

I tried to ignore it… That's what Cal would've done..

_Tap! Tap!_

I huffed in annoyance and walked to the door. As I pulled open the door, a young woman stood there. "Can I help you?" I asked, slightly annoyed. She looked shocked. "Well?" I snapped. "I-is Caledon home?" she asked, her voice soft. She had her brown, curly hair up in a messy bun, obviously held by pins. There sure were a lot because I could see about five ready to fall out…

"Who wants to know?" I asked. She backed up a little before answering, "Astor… Madeleine Astor," eyes wide. Suddenly the name hit me. "May I ask why you're looking for him?" I asked. "Miss—Charlotte, aren't you?" she asked. I nodded.

"You're the _housekeeper_, so isn't it your job to know where he is?" she snapped. Her fragile voice becoming suddenly loud. I oculd see the fear in her eyes… She'd just been rude, uncouth and unlady like. "I'm his wife!" I cried.

"Cal's not married!" she cried back. "Is that what he told you?" I snapped. "As a matter of fact, _yes_!" she yelled. "Well, I'll let him know his _toy_ stopped by," I said, slamming the front door in Astor's face. I waited until she left before walking away front the door.

How _dare_ Cal tell this gold digger that I'm a _housekeeper_? That act, as fake as it was—did he honestly think I wasn't going to find out?

Well, he is sorely mistaken!

I grabbed my overcoat and stormed out of the house. I went to the one place I hadn't been in so long. The shoreline.

The sun had been overhead when I heard Cal walking up to our house. He was cursing and in a way I felt it had to do with Astor. I didn't want to go back, but I knew I had to straighten this all out.

I grabbed my overcoat and tugged it closely around me. I walked back to the house, trying to find a good way to ask him about all this…

If any…

I got into the house, careful not to make too much noise. "Cal?" I called. No one answered me. "Cal?" I asked again. "_Cal_!" I cried almost impatiently. "What?" he called just as impatiently. He was in the kitchen. "I wanted to know if you were home," I said. He seemed surprised by my answer, but practically inhaled the beer sitting in the glass in his hands.

I looked at the glass with lazy eyes, as if I were judging the thing nonchalantly. "How was it… today?" I asked cautiously. I didn't want him to get suspicious. "Did anyone come by?" he asked me slowly. "Not that I can remember," I lied, trying to keep my breathing even. If Astor got to him first…

I was in for it…

He nodded, still staring at me for a moment. He was trying to decipher the truth through the language my body was using, but I carefully adjusted it to calm instead of stiff.

"Well… there was Madeleine Astor… she was looking for you… it seemed almost… _important_," I said calmly, cleaning the bowls that were—already clean—on the counter. "Stop that," he said.

I put the bowl down along with the cloth and turned to face him. "Did she say what?" he asked. "No… she seemed very—er—set on something… like businesswoman on duty," I said.

He nodded again and turned to leave.

"Cal," I choked out. He stopped in the doorway. "I know about her… about _you_," I said, slowly. "And what exactly do you _think_ you know?" he said, stepping closer to me. "Cal, I'm giving you one chance and one only! Come clean now and maybe I can find a way to look past all this…" I said. "You listen, Charlotte, and you listen good! If you think I sat around doing nothing or even looked for you for the last few months then your awfully mistaken!" he snapped, holding my shoulders tightly, shaking me violently.

"So you slept around with anyone you could?" I spat, looking into his suddenly cold eyes. "It's not like I had a _loyal_ wife at my side," he spit. I threw my head back and laughed. It was almost a cackle by standards. "You think _you're_ loyal, Cal? Do you really? A loyal husband doesn't sleep around with gold diggers while his _wife_ is begging for food miles away! A loyal husband doesn't beat his wife everytime she talks back to him! If you want a loyal wife, Cal… show some loyalty yourself!" I said, pulling away from his deathly strong hold.

He looked at me. It was his turn to laugh. "You deserve what you've gotten!" he laughed. "Have I?" I asked, turning to storm out of the room.

Cal had pulled my wrist and shoved me against the wall. I gasped in shock. It wasn't the foreign—yet familiar—pain in my back that shocked me. It was the force and how quickly it had happened. I felt like maybe he'd been practicing this abuse while waiting to recapture me.

"Don't make me do something _you'll_ regret ever having caused!" he snapped, his mouth so close to my ear. I shivered and said, "You've already done that, Cal, need I remind you?"

He smirked and pushed my farther up the wall to the point where the pain was body-numbing. I closed my eyes trying to hold back the scream that built up in my throat. "You will be loyal to me, Charlotte," he said.

"Cal… I told you that I gave you one more chance and I am… if you let me off this wall, I'll look past everything you did… I know what you did the other night, Cal… I felt how _gentle_ you can be! If you can just be that way, Cal, all the time—"

He removed himself from in front of me and stormed out of the house.

I knew he was disgusted with himself for having believed softening up a bit just once was a good idea. I knew tonight he was going to get piss-drunk—what was ever new anymore?—and I'd pay the price for it… but I couldn't worry about that now… The only thing I was to worry about was now.

I only had to worry about how to handle…

It hurt me when Madeleine came to the house. I want to love Cal but he makes it so hard! I just needed a way to show him I could be loyal! I wanted him to be loyal too!

But how? How could I ever, _ever_ get that? _Ever?_

**A/N: So? I pushed through and beat my writer's block! :D I'm glad to be writing about Charlotte and Cal again to be honest! I don't know why, but they are my favorite (and I still hate Cal!) I think it's because I see Charlotte has a strong girl and Cal as a deep-down-and-forgiving person… He has a soft side… he just refuses to show it! :D Sometimes you have to look past a person's mask to find their true beauty! **


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